The Children are smiling!

Looking back over the events of the last few days, I am so overwhelmed with joy that I can barely muster the energy to bask in the warm, slightly moist glow of God's own love. Yes, God has seen fit to reward me with a veritable deluge of affection, a happy ending that is so perfect that it might have come straight out of Hollywood.

First, God has seen fit to have the children-hating tbt*.com, owned and operated by the newspaper that some people say is run by a bunch of pedophiles, The Saint Petersburg Times, fire the hacktacular Gina Vivinetto for aberrant behavior involving children.

Ironically, this decision by tbt*.com may end up providing a valuable life lesson to those children who might feel tempted to experiment with the homosexual agenda. Vivinetto will live out her years suffering the miserable humiliation of this defeat in abject poverty before succumbing to the ravages of one of the persistent sexually transmitted infections which right this very second are no doubt ravaging the groinoidal region for which she is named. I will get my panties back, and the children will witness her wretched existence and need no more proof that God hates her and her kind.

Even now, Ms. Vivinetto is being punished by God, and it would be irresponsible to assume that her ailments are not a direct gift from God to The Children.

Next, in the case of Satan invading Brandon in the form of a bikini bar, The State Attorney has seen fit to completely absolve me of any wrong doing. That means that God approves of my righteous fighting for The Children. Go God!

Now, some people might say that since the bikini bar is open for business that I lost this crusade. Well, to those people, I respond that God's plan may just be too complex for their small little minds to comprehend. I pray that God will smite my critics and as I close my eyes I can feel God's massive love throbbing within me. Oh, God!

To do this with a child is terrible to me...

I just can't tell you how offensive this is.

I'm so flustered that I can barely think about the children. Some evil deviant has maliciously used publicly available information to create a deceptively realistic MySpace profile that purports to be all about me but is, in all actuality an attack against children.

Well, the best way to deal with cruel, mocking truth is censorship, so I have ordered the County Attorney to have the offending site stricken from public view, thus making the Internets a little safer for all children.

The enemy is ever vigilant. He's out there seeking whom he may desire. There have to be more of us.

A Clarification

Much has been made of my recent statement regarding threats and "horrible things said and done to me", and I just feel that I should clarify a bit.

First, just because I'm an elected public official does not mean that it's okay to talk about me in your Web log. If you have something to say about me, come to a commission meeting and use your allotted three minutes to say it on the record. No one ever pays any attention to you whack jobs who speak at our meetings, and if you get personal, I can easily shut you up.

Which brings me to my second point: SHUT UP!

I mean really – can't you attack some well deserving weepy liberal traitor rather than focusing on me? Think about it – when you attack me, you hurt the children.

Next, it logically follows that you should also refrain from attacking me and the children in any public or private venue, because your words will confuse the children and cause them harm.

So, for the children's sake, go after the Harpy Castor or the Evil Iorio, but don't drag me down into the filthy, unsanitary region where personal attacks fester on trees and hand cleaner fears to dwell.

Thank You!

Hi Everone!

It's me - Ronda - with news and notes from my campaign trail. I just think that it's important for the voters to get to know me a little better than is possible from the way-too-short snippets that sometimes make the evening news.

This post is mostly a test to see how blogger is working, but I promise all my hardcore fans that regular posting will begin forthwith.